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SCOTT THOMPSON - April 28, 2002
GUY MACPHERSON: Good morning!
SCOTT THOMPSON: Good morning. Did I wake you?
GM: No.
ST: Okay, good.
GM: But I woke up in order to talk to you.
ST: This is our date, then.
GM: Yes, it is, really. Thanks for taking time away
from church.
ST: Exactly. Church, that's right. It's all right. I
don't mind missing
church. I can go to a later service.
GM: You are my favourite talk show guest.
ST: Oh! Wow. Thank you. I'm honoured.
GM: Well, I assume you're lots of people's favourite
talk show guest
because of the way you approach it.
ST: I do. I approach it like performance.
GM: You're like the Robert Blake of the new millenium.
ST: Oh, my God! I don't know how to take that one.
(laughs) I guess
every millenium needs one.
GM: I don't know if you used to watch him, but he used
to be a great
talk show guest.
ST: Was he?
GM: On Johnny Carson. Whenever he was on, I'd always
make sure to
watch.
ST: I used to love Burt Reynolds. He used to be a
great guest when I was a
kid.
GM: That's true, too. Yeah.
ST: Totie Fields when I was very little. And Sandra
Bernhart was always
one of the models for me.
GM: Right.
ST: She was really good.
GM: She was no Totie Fields, but...
ST: Well, Totie was the best. I mean, that was when I
was I was little. I
was like, 'Ah, there's this lady with one leg!'
GM: You're always dishing the dirt on celebrities on
these talk shows.
ST: Not always!
GM: You are on Conan a lot.
ST: Yeah, I do. Maybe that's why I don't get hired
anywhere.
GM: Has that gotten you into trouble with any of them?
ST: Hmm... A few times. I know a few things I got in
trouble with. Actually, a guy walked out on me on the
show.
GM: Who?
ST: Lou Gossett once. But that was different.
GM: Why?
ST: Oh, I don't know. (laughs) Because he was actually
there.
GM: So he was on first or second?
ST: No, he was second. But he fled. He wouldn't come
on with me.
GM: So what did they do?
ST: I replaced him. (laughs) I had to do two segments!
They came running
on and said, 'Scott, Lou Gossett walked off!' 'Oh.'
GM: And it was really because of you.
ST: Oh, yes, it was totally because of me.
GM: You weren't talking about him?
ST: Not at all. No, no, no.
GM: Because there's nothing to say about Lou Gossett.
ST: No, no. I said 'nigger' in context, in a joke.
GM: Was this on Conan?
ST: Yes, on Conan, yes. They cut it. You won't see it.
You'll never see that segment. So I went further. I
made a joke about Corky from As Life Goes On. The
retarded kid. How he had a face-lift and he didn't
look very good anymore... Awful. People would go, 'Oh,
please stop.' Time seemed to stop, really. The
producer came running off, Jeff Rothstein, going,
'What
have you done?! Lou Gossett's freaking out! Now you're
going on about
retarded people? What's wrong with you?' Of course,
the other part of his
brain is going, 'This is great TV.'
GM: Yeah. And you say that never made it on?
ST: They cut me saying that. Yeah, they couldn't
handle the word. I mean,
I was just doing this joke. I called Canadians
'ice-niggers'. But I was just making a joke. I just
thought, you know, it's not just me but other members
of the group, it's like a form of Tourette's. If you
can't say
something, I just go, 'It has to come out.'
GM: So there's nothing you would say, 'Oh, I shouldn't
joke about this'?
ST: No. I mean, personally, sure there's certain
things. Yeah, like if someone's had a tragedy, I'm not
going to go on and push their buttons
right in front of them or that. But no, there's
nothing beyond humour.
No. And that doesn't mean that you're heartless at
all. It's just a different
way of looking at the world.
GM: You were also on when Sarah Silverman got in
trouble.
ST: Yeah, yeah, that's right. She got in trouble for
similar things, but that was a racial thing too,
wasn't it?
GM: Yeah. She said 'chink.'
ST: Yeah, because, I mean, I did the whole thing. I
did a whole list. I was basically parodying... This is
when Brando went off on that rant on Larry King. So I
parodied him. I tried to use every slur in the world.
And my whole joke was about how Canadians don't have a
slur. I was trying to make 'Canuck' a slur... No one
else got upset. Of course, Lou Gossett wasn't Chinese.
Maybe if there had been a Chinese person, they would
have run off, too. But I don't think so. Because
there's nothing as volatile
as that word in our culture. American culture, that's
for sure. Because
that's what I said. The other joke I went with was in
Canada, it's not the
n-word, it's the s-word. Squaw. I thought that would
be more of a button
in Canada.
GM: Yeah, it would.
ST: It would. And that doesn't have resonsance in
America.
GM: It doesn't?
ST: No, not the same way, no. But you know, I'm
fascinated by societal
buttons, basically, and what makes taboo, taboo.
Because if it's not taboo
everywhere, then how can it be...? So therefore I've
come to conclude
nothing's taboo.
GM: It's the old saying, sticks and stones can break
my bones but names
can never hurt me.
ST: Yeah, absolutely. It's just words. And Richard
Pryor did it years ago.
Lenny Bruce did it years ago. This isn't new.
GM: You're also unapologetically Canadian on these
shows.
ST: I've always been very open about that, yes.
GM: You're openly Canadian.
ST: Yeah. A lot of people aren't.
GM: That's true. They come on and Canada will be
mentioned and I think,
'Okay, they'll probably mention here that they're from
Canada.' Nothing.
ST: No, they don't. So, you know, that's part of my
whole thing. I made the decision years ago that I'd be
honest about pretty much everything. Which I regret.
GM: (laughs)
ST: But not that part of it.
GM: You regret parts of it, though?
ST: Sometimes.
GM: And you can't change now?
ST: No. They're not really regrets. I look and I go,
'Oh, I didn't really quite realize it would play out
this way.'
GM: So you're on Conan and Bullard and Politically
Incorrect a lot.
ST: Well, I'm just trying to keep working and keep my
face out there. I just treat it as comedy. I never
repeat myself. I'm not even selling anything, really.
GM: You don't have anything to plug.
ST: No, hardly ever.
GM: You're a personality.
ST: That's what I regret, maybe. I think people lose
sight of the fact that I can act.
GM: But you're not on Leno or Letterman a lot.
ST: No, because Leno and Letterman are different.
They're a different generation and I don't think
they're comfortable with me.
GM: But you have been on them.
ST: I have been on. But it's not the same thing. You
know, I don't think
Jay Leno... (imitating Leno) 'Y-y-you're gay!' Okay,
Jay. Shut up. It's a
different generation. I'm not comfortable with them.
I'm very comfortable
with Mike and Conan.
GM: And Bill Maher?
ST: And Bill, too. Yeah.
GM: Those are some great discussions when you're on.
ST: Yeah. They're smart men. They're funny men. And
they treat me like an equal. And I wouldn't say that
about Jay Leno.
GM: (pause) What would you say about Jay Leno?
ST: I wouldn't say anything. (laughs)
GM: Go on! I'd love it for you to trash some
celebrities for me. Because
you do it on these other shows.
ST: No. I mean, I don't know him well enough. I don't
know him. He seems
like a very nice guy.
GM: That's what everyone says.
ST: He is a very nice guy. I just don't think he's
very hip.
GM: This just in!
ST: Yeah. So that's it. That's all I'm going to say.
Letterman, it would take me a lot to be comfortable
with him.
GM: So you're trying to keep your face out there. What
are you doing these days besides the tour, workwise?
ST: Oh, you know, I did a one-man show, and I did the
tour, and I've
written two screenplays. And one of them looks like
it's going to be made.
So that's hopefully the next phase, when this is done,
is get this movie of mine made.
GM: And that will be starring you?
ST: No. I'll hardly be in it. I'll take a small role
in it. It's not a vehicle. It's an autobiographical
coming-of-age comedy -- very dark comedy -- set in
1975 in Brampton. And the main character is loosely
based on me at 15.
GM: So it's set in Brampton. Will it be made in
Canada?
ST: Oh, certainly, yeah.
GM: By a Canadian production company?
ST: I don't care where the money comes from. Because
money could come
from Osama bin Laden, I don't give a shit. But as long
as it's set in Canada,
that's all I care about. You know, I'm sick of it. I'm
sick of seeing Canada disguised.
GM: Actually, you should film it in Texas and call it
Brampton.
ST: Oh, that's a good idea. All American money, film
it in Texas and call
it Canada. That would be great! Sweet revenge. And
make every American
actor lessons on Canadian diction: 'Out, out!'
GM: What is your dream job? What would you really love
to be doing?
ST: I mean, I'm pretty happy right now. How could I
want more than being a Kid in the Hall?
GM: But I mean like a regular job.
ST: Oh, I'd like a regular job. I mean, sure I would.
I'd love to be on a
great television series or I'd love to have my own
series. That's what I'd
like.
GM: You should have a talk show.
ST: There's people who are trying to get me to do
that. I don't know, though. I think that would be the
death-knell for my career as an actor.
GM: Because there's not a lot of crossover?
ST: Yeah, I think my personality would overwhelm it.
And I just think that
people would never hire me as an actor. And I think
I'd be in hot water all the time. And I just don't
know if I have the stomach for that. I just don't know
if I really want to be in hot water all the time for
my opinions. You know? (pause) Yeah, I don't know if I
do. I mean, a limited kind of a talk show, like a Dame
Edna kind of experience where you do, like, ten of
them, yeah, that I could handle. Very much. If you
combine it with sketch. I mean, I love the way Barry
Humphreys did his series.
GM: It was brilliant.
ST: Yeah, he's my hero. And if I could do that, yeah,
I would do that. Or
host a show, different ones, in character? Yeah, that
would be interesting. But I don't know. I was
approached a couple years ago to create a Politically
Incorrect kind of a deal for Canada, and I thought, 'I
don't know.' I don't know if I want that.
GM: And Bill Maher's always getting into trouble over
the silliest things.
ST: And for, for really, for nothing. I mean, I just
feel like I have more
volatile opinions, and I don't know. I just think I'd
be in shit all the time.
GM: Yeah, you probably would be. Although, in
Canada...
ST: Honestly, I don't know if... I wanna have both. I
don't want to let go of that American market. I like
to talk to both countries.
GM: And you can offer something to both, a different
perspective that
they don't get.
ST: Yeah. And you can get in trouble in Canada, too.
GM Oh yeah, and you did, too, recently, didn't you?
ST: Oh, sure.
GM: You like to be thought of as an actor. You're a
sketch comic but
really that's an actor. Right?
ST: A sketch comic's an actor/writer, that's all.
GM: Have you ever done stand-up?
ST: Oh, yeah. I've done lots of stand-up. I've toured.
That's how I made my living after the Kids in the Hall
broke up. I was hardly making a lot of movies. Well, I
did Larry Sanders for three years. But I did stand-up
a lot. Afterwards, mostly. I did a few tours as a
stand-up. I never was a stand-up, but I kind of made
myself one. My manager forced me into it. And I
wasn't really prepared or ready for it. But it's very
good for developing you. Once you've done stand-up and
you've done tours, you feel like, wow, not much can
hurt me now.
GM: Do you have any comedy influences or favourites?
ST: Sure. As I said, Dame Edna's a big influence.
Monty Python. That kid,
Carol Burnett. Sandra Bernhart. I have lots of people.
Alec Guinness. He's
great. It's kind of a career I'd love.
GM: And he was in that movie where he played, like,
nine different people.
ST: Kind Hearts and Coronets, I think it was.
GM: That's right.
ST: Yeah, I'd love that career. I mean, I'd love a
Peter Sellers kind of career. And you can't have that
if you have a talk show.
GM: Is there a lot of competition amongst the Kids?
ST: Yup, there is.
GM: And is it healthy competition?
ST: Mm-hmm. I think so. I'm all for it. I mean, it
means things like none
of them will have read my book and none of us has seen
Dave's movie,
but you know. (laughs) Yeah, no, their copies of Buddy
Babylon are as crisp as the day I gave it to them. But
that's brothers. That's what it's like.
GM: It's not petty?
ST: Is that petty?
GM: I don't know. I'm asking.
ST: Maybe it is. But I don't think we take it that
seriously any longer. Yeah, we're always looking at
what the other person's up to. I think that if there's
jealousy, it's pretty contained.
GM: And you still, obviously, really get along with
each other.
ST: Yeah, we get along better than we have in years.
GM: It's that time away, and maturing, too, is part of
it.
ST: Yes. Absolutely.
GM: Do you feel like you're in a rock band sometimes?
ST: Yeah. Yeah, I do. That's the only real analogy
because there aren't really troupes like us,
basically, out there.
GM: That's right. There's no Charles In Charge road
show.
ST: No, there's nothing. I mean, there's barely comedy
teams any longer.
There's barely duos anymore. You know what I mean?
They're always
broken up. They never last. It's all about the
individual now. Particularly in American comedy, it's
all about the one person. The stand-up, the
gun-slinger. It's not about the group. That's more of
a Canadian form,
actually. It's about the group mind. And Canadians are
better at submerging their individual personalities
for the group.
GM: Also, on the tours you have to go out and play
your greatest hits like
a rock band would.
ST: Yeah, that's a part of it that can sometimes be a
drag.
GM: No pun intended.
ST: When U2 travels around, I'm sure people demand
that they do certain
songs. But with us, if we do a character that people
demand, then there
will be something new for you, at least. I mean, this
show is very... It's
quite new.
GM: What would you say the percentage is?
ST: 75 percent.
GM: This is using some of the older characters while
using new material?
ST: Yup.
GM: So people get both.
ST: Both, yeah.
GM: Are you surprised that this show remains so
popular after all these
years?
ST: Kind of. We're doing a piece in the show called
Dr. Seuss's Bible and
it's one of our oldest pieces, but because of the way
the world is today,
it plays completely new. It plays in a way that it
never played before. It's got such resonance now. It's
interesting. It's like all of a sudden the piece has
finally found its time. It really has found its time
and it feels like it was just written yesterday. Every
line feels brand new. And we're finding new things in
it.
GM: It's like going back and reading a great book.
ST: Kind of. And then slightly rewriting it in a way.
Because we're not
rewriting it, but there's like pieces in that piece
where we never really
had dialogue with the characters and now they kind of
have little exchanges which never happened before
because we never had time to
develop it. Because when you're in television, it's
just a machine. You're just shovelling the coal and it
just keeps burning up. But when you're
touring and you're doing stuff all the time, they get
better and better and
richer and richer.
GM: Do you add things to the performance that maybe
you spring on
somebody, or is everything...
ST: No, it's completely new, always. I mean, we always
follow the skeleton
of the script, and we're very much about writing, but
there's always
something different. Maybe because we're just bad.
Maybe we're just not
very disciplined. We always fuck around.
GM: And doing your Carol Burnett moments to make each
other laugh?
ST: Yeah, we do, we do break each other up, or try to.
Our concerts are
like playtime. It's two hours where people can really
just play, do whatever the hell they want. And it's a
party. And I think people really
enjoy themselves and they know from the word go this
is a party and
anything goes. Like last night, Kevin and Mark were
doing their headcrusher bit. And Kevin's in the
audience dressed as this insane girl
that's trying to pick up the headcrusher and this
woman comes up and
pulls her top off and starts rubbing her tits up and
down Kevin's legs. He
got embarrassed and covered himself up and she was
rubbing her breasts all over him.
GM: Her bare breasts?
ST: Bare! Oh, no, she was naked.
GM: What city were you in?
ST: Austin. And she was unbelievable. Like, nude. I
mean, not nude, but
totally topless. It was hilarious! I mean, that
stuff's great.
GM: I'll say.
ST: So that stuff happens all the time.
GM: Lorne Michaels produced your TV show, right?
ST: Yeah.
GM: Was he a presence?
ST: No. He was a signature. He made it all happen. And
at the very
beginning of our career he did guide us. But once we
were on television
and we were doing our show, Lorne very smartly let us
be on our own. I
mean, let's face it, he didn't have the time to. He
was putting Saturday
Night Live together. We were like his little hobby.
Like his model train set in the garage. He let us
basically do what we wanted. He knew that was the way
that we would be best. It was sort of like he knew
Saturday Night Live was a more corporate monster and
we were much smaller, therefore we
were allowed a lot more freedom. I don't think there's
ever been a troupe
that's had as much freedom as we had. No one has the
freedom we had
those years on CBC. We came in at a very interesting
time and we exploited it ruthlessly.
GM: Maybe more people should be given that freedom
because you were so successful.
ST: Totally.
GM: And you look at Saturday Night Live and you go,
'Oh, my God. How
did that get on the air?'
ST: They should definitely let artists be artists. A
great producer should
really shut up.
GM: So what will you do if and when you're faced with
this with your
script and they're going, 'Okay, we want to do this'?
ST: Well, I'd love to come to that stage where I have
to make those decisions. But honestly, where the
script is now, the person that looks
like he's going to make it, he looks like he's going
to leave me alone. I
mean, he's going to direct it, but from our initial
discussions, it looks
like he's not going to ask for a lot of changes and
we're not going to a
big studio. We'll see once the money comes in. Then
we'll see. My script
has, I guess, a very dicey central premise, but right
now I'm very happy
with the way it's going. I feel very secure. I trust
this man very much.
GM: I hope it works out for you.
ST: So do I. So do I. He's on a roll. He's very hot
and he wants to make
my script, so... I don't want to direct it, so I
really trust him.
GM: Every city that you go to becomes one of your
favourites for the purposes of the audience.
ST: Of course.
GM: So which one really sucks?
ST: Vancouver... Jesus Christ! I'm sorry. Um... No.
Sucks? What does that
mean? Like the town itself?
GM: Either the audience just doesn't get it or...
ST: There hasn't really been a bad audience yet.
There's a city I'm not...
Like Kansas City. It's sad.
GM: Why's that?
ST: It's grim. It's grim. You know, I wasn't too
impressed with St. Louis,
either. Those two cities in the middle are very kind
of rough. Not much
going on and really pretty bad ghettos. No one from
Kansas City's going to
read this, but Kansas was painful.
GM: Do you get a chance to get out in the city?
ST: Yeah, I spent three hours walking all over the
place and I wandered
all through the 'hood and people were looking at me
like, 'What's this crazy white boy in a big red
sweater doing wandering through the 'hood?' I mean, I
didn't realize I was in it. And then I couldn't get
out.
GM: Were you a little nervous?
ST: Yes, sure I was.
GM: 'He's that guy that said the n-word!'
ST: I just felt like... I felt more sad. It's sad.
Like there's these eight kids, eight young guys at a
bus stop in an area where everything's boarded up and
there's a high school, a beautiful high school, closed
down. And I'm going, 'What kind of a city lets a high
school go to rot?' You know? It was sad.
GM: Not enough work.
ST: Yeah, no work. There were no businesses. There was
nothing. Nothing.
Just a McDonald's that was contributing to the
fattening of America. Which is, to me, obviously the
looming crisis. That's the real crisis right
now, is the fucking obesity epidemic. It's just
tragic. It's like, 'People, get
back on heavy drugs.' You know what I mean? It would
be way better if
there was a crystal meth epidemic. This is insane.
GM: Everything is super-sized.
ST: Super-sized. That's going to be the death of the
American empire. Not
homosexuality. It's weight.
GM: Maybe fat homosexuals.
ST: Bears! (laughs) Bears are going to bring 'em down.
I don't know. I'm
kind of obsessed with it. I do have weight issues, but
I'm really... I can't get over it.
GM: What are the weight issues?
ST: I don't want to be fat. No. It's just a thing for
me. It's probably my
doom, but I don't know. I just think this isn't right.
There's people that
are meant to be large, but most of these people aren't
meant to be large.
It's just a symbol to me of a lost, lazy society.
GM: No one's meant to have rolls of fat.
ST: No one's meant to be 300 pounds, 400 pounds. It's
not right. And no
one's meant to eat a burger that's a pound. That's
retarded. No one's meant to have a pop that's 40
ounces. That's just sad. It's retarded.
GM: And when you have really poor people, they have to
go to the cheapest place for food and get the most for
their money.
ST: I know. Only the rich are thin here.
GM: Are you living down there?
ST: I go back and forth between Toronto and L.A.
GM: Comedy is known for its neurotic performers. I'm
wondering who the
most neurotic kid is.
ST: Neurotic?
GM: Yeah. Who has the most issues?
ST: No, I can't say that. The only way I can get out
of that one is to say me.
GM: But I thought comedy embraced its neuroticism.
ST: Yeah.
GM: You know, a Woody Allen always going to the
shrink, a hypochondriac, afraid of flying, things like
that.
ST: (pause) Kevin's pretty neurotic. (laughs)
GM: I got it out of him! Who's the smartest?
ST: Oh, that one I would never touch with a ten foot
pole. No.
GM: Really? Not the dumbest, now. It's the smartest. A
positive.
ST: I mean, there are so many different kinds of
intelligence. Book learning? Well, me. But IQ? Mark.
Maybe. I don't know. Everyone's smart
in the group. Everyone's smart. One has to be smart. I
mean, you can't be
dumb and be a comedian, really. I don't think so.
GM: I mean, you can, but then you're Carrot Top.
ST: Yeah, I'm sure there's dumb ones. There are dumb
ones. But honestly, I think comedians are the smartest
of all the performers. And the most
fascinating. I mean, I do love comedians. I think
they're the most troubled, for sure, of all
performers. Definitely the most fucked up. But
the most interesting.
GM: How many cities are you playing?
ST: 40, I think. It's a big tour.
GM: Over what period of time?
ST: Two months. One-nighter after another. But we're
adding some cities
now. We might even add another week to it because
we're having a great
time and we all don't mind that extra change, either.
You never know. You
don't know what the future's going to bring. I might
not work the rest of
the year.
GM: Well, there's always the talk shows.
ST: Yeah, that pays $542.38.
GM: In US, though.
ST: Yes, US. Unless it's Bullard. I mean, no matter
what, the biggest star
in the world gets $542. Those things don't pay
anything.
GM: Would it be like a business card, a calling card?
You're on a talk
show and people see your face and go, 'Hey, how about
this guy?'
ST: That's right. They remember. That's why everytime
I do one, I go to
Conan, 'I gotta stop being a personality.' And Conan
goes, 'Yeah, but don't you want to say this?' And I
go, 'Okay.' Then I get trapped up in it. And I go to
Conan, 'Oh, Conan, I shouldn't have done that.' And he
goes, 'Oh, you were hilarious.' 'Yeah, but Conan, now
no one's going to hire me.' And they don't.
GM: That should be your next time on. Talk about this
inner angst.
ST: Oh, he knows about my angst.
GM: Go public so the producers hear it.
ST: He doesn't care because it's not funny. He just
cares if it's funny. He doesn't give a shit. He
doesn't care about my inner angst. They exploit
it. And I know they are, but they just want me to go
off.
GM: Well, go off on them saying, 'You're exploiting
me! And I'm losing work because of you!'
ST: They won't let me. I just want to be funny. I just
want people to forget... I think I should take a
couple years off and people will forget
that I'm, like, a loud-mouthed fag.
GM: It's probably, too, that you get out there and you
feel the audience
and the lights are shining on you and you just want
to...
ST: That's basically it. I rip. I can't help it. It's
the Tourette's in me.